So it's dead week of my final week of college, EVER. And that's great, right? Well, kind of I guess. I'm pumped to graduate but don't know what I'm doing next. I haven't slept in a while, but ya know, I'll survive. I may not be healthy for a while, but I'll survive.
Like I always address in the beginning of any blog entry, I blog because it makes me feel better. It's like, naturally alleviating my stress. I also wanted to post this blog because I know I have friends out there who can relate but would never admit it. Well, at least not over the likes of a blog. I might throw some shade, but I won't name drop because most of these situations are long gone and irrelevant; but if you think there's shade being thrown your way--well, you are probably a guilty party.
I AM AN OPEN BOOK PEOPLE! Not really, but if you ask me a question, I guarantee you a straight answer every time. So I'm going to open up a bit more to the public and tell y'all a bit about myself.
It started in the eighth grade.
You might not think that it's possible because I mean, even as an eighth grader I think a little bit of me was like "WTF?". I had a best friend. I won't name him. He dated a girl for 8 months (literally, eighth grade y'all...) and month number 8, she Facebook messaged me "STAY AWAY FROM HIM OR ELSE!!!! K thanks :)"
Thus, started the never-ending cycle of girls who have this seemingly large yet insignificant problem with me. I just sort of shook it off in the eighth grade, because a month later, they weren't dating anymore and homeboy was still my BFF (OR NAH, the plot only thickens later so wait for it) and well...eighth grade. It was an awkward time for all of us.
But then we moved into ninth grade. Yo, being a freshman was rough. I know that those of you who were stuck at Owasso Mid-High remember the number of stink bombs set off before school, during lunch, and even right before we all left for athletics. I can't say I remember any more than the one girl having a problem with me back then (lol @ Thad, you know who I'm talking about....) but sweet Jesus, I would not have had a problem with me either. Talk about awkward.
Onto sophomore year. Hot dog, what a year. Same boy who's girlfriend had a problem with me in eighth grade now has a new girlfriend. Who also has a problem with me. Let me remind you guys of something: I WAS STILL REALLY AWKWARD. I have not changed much, but I can say with confidence that I am a little less awkward. I was never a threat to any relationship or whatever they were called in high school, but here I was again, stuck in the middle. I should include that this boy is actually now married to a girl who FB messaged me during my sophomore year of college to tell me she was uncomfortable with him texting other girls. After a solid, oh who knows, 7 years of friendship? It's fine though. Safe to say, we don't talk anymore.
Junior year, I hit my growth spurt and puberty all at once. I didn't exactly blossom into the graceful swan that many tend to transform into once they hit puberty. More like...a graceful white elephant in a room full of swans. Boys started giving me actual compliments and I never knew how to take them, so I usually brushed it off with a joke or said thank you and skulked off trying to figure out if the comment was sarcastic or not. I will tell you one thing though, I shocked everyone at junior prom. JAMBA GIRL IN A PROM DRESS? Who would've even thought that was possible?!
But that was the beginning of my next bout of issues. My best friend from my junior year of high school began dating a girl who...well, had her fair share of problems with me for reasons unknown. And actually "bullied" me with her group of friends for a while. I use bullying loosely because a lot of it was over Twitter or by pouring syrup and crackers all over my car in the middle of July, but nonetheless, it happened. Let's be real, it made the summer before my senior year of high school a living hell. If it hadn't been for Mel, I probably would have lost my cool.
Senior year got a little easier but...well, not really at all. HA! Who am I kidding. So let's skip to the good parts. I graduated high school, I had plenty of friends, all of that crap, but I couldn't wait to get to college because I thought that was a whole vat of mature kids that would let me have my friends and just chill.
Wooooo, was I wrong. When I graduated high school, I had friends that were anywhere from five years older than me all the way to five years younger than me. And that's great! I'm very people oriented. I love my friends. So on, so forth. So freshman year of college when my friends back home had "significant others" who still had issues with me, I started distancing myself from..well, Owasso in general. I ripped down all of my pictures from high school and replaced them with pictures from my first semester at OU and quickly got over it. It took me a while to get into routine at OU and kind of find my niche, as surprising as that is, but I found it and I made friends! Shout out to you, Hunter Birkhead, for becoming my first best guy friend that I made in college! Then freshman year ended. Summer began. Had to spend another one in Owasso, surrounded by girls who didn't like me and guy friends who didn't want to stick up for me and risk pissing off their girlfriends. WOO! Summer flies by, I return to college.
Sophomore year starts. HOW QUICKLY you learn that college does NOT equal maturity. There were immense amounts of shade thrown my way sophomore year by girls that I had not even met but just knew I had befriended their boyfriends or something. Yoooo, once again, there I was.
So here it comes: all the way through my sophomore year of college, I would have this crying/pissing & moaning talk with my mom. Crying quickly turned into pissing and moaning when my mom told me I wasn't allowed to cry about it anymore so I just...adjusted to pissing and moaning. I would ask my mom why and what I could do to fix it because she always had all the right answers and obviously, I WAS IN DESPERATE NEED OF THEM! Anyway, I could not figure out what I was doing that was so wrong. I was not hitting on anyone's boyfriend, I most likely had not even met the girlfriend, yet there I was again--losing my guy friends left and right, like something bad had hit the water. because I just could not seem to make the right girl friends. Sophomore year wasn't THAT bad, but junior year definitely started to show its true colors and college just kept getting harder. But don't worry, nothing ever came close to the whole fiasco with syrup and crackers all over my car in the middle of July in Oklahoma.
Junior year of college was rough, like I explained before, but I eventually dug down deep and found my backbone of telling the girl to get the hell over herself (note: this usually did not end up with me maintaining or gaining friendships from the situation) or telling the guy to...well, grow a pair. It was nice not to be walked on anymore. Rewind to that Hunter kid I mentioned earlier, the only person other than his girlfriend Emma that I will name drop in this. Hunter finally started dating Emma, and guess what? EMMA LIKED ME. Emma still likes me and the best part is that she is perfectly comfortable not only being my friend, but she is perfectly comfortable with the friendship that I have with Hunter (unlike...well, most of the previous ones that had ever had any interest in Hunter) and both of them still remain two of my favorite humans up to this day. But then, I went abroad and for the rest of my friend pool, things got weird. I mean, Workaholics meets Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt kind of weird.
You know what happened when I went abroad? My "best friends" from high school started coming out of the woodwork with how they "felt" about me in high school. Feelings and stuff. Things I don't deal with well. You know, it was sort of like one of those situations where they say that people develop a nervous laugh and laugh in situations that they aren't supposed to laugh in. Like funerals. Except this was me laughing at anyone who tried to tell me they ever looked at me as more than a friend, because goodbye.
For Christ's Sake, I was in ECUADOR! What did they want me to say? HEY, SAME, SEE YOU IN FIVE MONTHS MAYBE YOU CAN WAIT ON ME!!! That didn't happen, not at all. Really, I still couldn't take anyone seriously because I was suffering from culture shock and for the most part, I had been friends with anyone who told me that for 5+ years so why didn't they take advantage of saying something back in high school..!? Safe to say, I didn't wait and still did the awkward "I laugh at funerals and I don't know why" kind of thing.
Senior year starts and finally, things stop getting weird. I have my niche and my group of friends and, yeah. Basically the whole "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR PETTY BS" attitude comes along. Feelin' myself like Beyonce or something. First semester is great, busy per usual, but great. I got to catch up with my old friends, meet new ones, get back into the swing of things after being abroad.
But then second semester hits. I have this...well, friend. One of those best friends from high school, ya know? He's super great, super sarcastic, reads me like a book, and turned into one of the only people in a handful of friends that I enjoyed seeing back in Owasso, aside from my mama and grandma. Turns out, his girlfriend does not like me either. I have never met her. I had ONE picture posted with this friend from my freshman year of college (kid was still a junior in high school back then) winter break. We have seen each other maybe three times in the last two years. You know, nothing to worry about, right? I go visit him at his university, we split a pitcher of beer and grab Mexican food together to catch up. I mean, I am bro-ing the hell out. Doing what I do best, ja feel? When the next day, I wake up to a text from the girlfriend. I'll spare you all of the details because, well, we're in college and that stuff shouldn't happen now. But it ended with something like "plz stay away from him. Thanks girlie"
Needless to say, lost another friend that I have had for the last 5 years and it sucks, but hey, I guess if that's what it comes down to? Right?
So I'm going to lay it out for you because as best as I can see it, these are the reasons I can contribute towards your girlfriend probably hating me, already considering her decision to hate me, or actively expressing her hates towards me.
1. Yo, I am NOT a girl's girl. That's why I joined a sorority--to try and learn how to be, but I'm still just stuck here bro-ing out. I'm a total bro that enjoys a decent beer and can binge watch the likes of college football, house of cards, and enjoys getting competitive in something as stupid as beer pong.
2. I draw a lot of attention to myself. I don't do it on purpose, either. I am just a very loud, very outgoing person with a large personality. I'm willing to introduce myself in any situation, even if its not ideal, as long as it means making a new friend; I try to meet someone new at least twice a week.
3. She's probably insecure. Honestly. And to each their own, everyone has their reasons. But let me tell you something...if I'm what's intimidating her, I can't imagine what she feels like when you watch something like the VMA's together where Selena Gomez is performing in some sort of tight, cut out leather outfit!
4. I am eternally stuck in the friend/bro zone. Let's be clear that this is not me complaining, but rather me furthering my argument for the girls who are intimidated by someone who is 22 and lacks legitimate relationship experience.
5. If I am in a situation where the room has split between the guys and the girls, I am probably standing on the guys side of the room. It happens to me a lot. Once again, not on purpose, but it tends to happen.
6. I am independent. I don't NEED anyone to be my significant other in order for me to be happy, I'm just as happy by myself.
7. I know how to think for myself without the pressures of others having a heavy weight on my opinions.
8. Guys call me Clegg instead of Rachele. I guess Clegg is synonymous for babe now or maybe boys now flirt by calling girls by their last names? JOKES, total friend zone move, goodbye.
9. Finally, the "I can't believe you just said that in front of her!!!!" card when a boy says something gross, disgusting, dirty, etc in front of me; that card is usually met with "it's just Clegg, she's practically one of us anyway!!!".
So, boys. And girls. Whoever is reading still, honestly. I'm gonna bless the game with some advice. At the end of the day, do you really only want it to be you and your significant other against the world? The answer is a big, fat no. Everyone loves having friends, so stop letting who you're dating limit who you can and cannot talk to just because of previous insecurities.
On that note, this is pretty much a huge screw you to any of the girls who have ever made me feel uncomfortable or worthless in my own shoes in the past, but a huge thank you to those same ones for further proving my mama's biggest lesson to me in life: misery loves company, so don't stoop to their level.
And ending on this note, it is COMPLETELY OKAY to not be a girl's girl. Because sometimes all you want is a box combo from Canes, washed down with a pitcher of Blue Moon, topped off with watching a Thunder game to end a good night.
I've been waiting to get that whole "insecure girls suck" thing off of my chest since I was 14. Peace and blessings, y'all.
