I don't really have a specific topic for this post, so I'm just gonna touch on a few things that have been weighing on my heart lately. I'm not a sappy person and this is by no means a sappy post, but I like to share the lessons that I have learned so that maybe someone else will recognize them in their personal lives whenever the time is right. Also, I do not consider myself to be a writer, a blogger, or the "hipster liberal" who does this for attention. It's really a personal thing and anyone who knows me knows that I love to talk, meet people, and share my experiences in any way that I possibly can. So, stay with me here.
1. TAKE ADVANTAGE.
This is probably the biggest thing I can think of to share. When people ask me about going abroad, living in a new culture, or really, just going out to experience something completely new AND on your own, I always tell them to be vulnerable. Keep in mind, there is a difference between vulnerable and naive, but there is nothing wrong with talking to strangers and asking questions. My best stories, or at least what I would consider my best stories, stem from just talking to people. I can officially say that I have met an ambassador from talking to the random bald man at a DC bar, I have an infinite number of couches that I could crash on in a large number of countries and cities thanks to saying hello to whoever sits by me on the plane, and I have friends that genuinely care after just three nights of hanging out in whatever hostel that we met in. It's so challenging for me to actually go out into the world WITH someone at this point because I do so much better on my own. So yes, the old men flock to me in coffee shops, the travelers flock to me in hostels, and the businessmen flock to me in bars, buses, and airports alike. But they come in all shapes and sizes--don't judge a book by its cover. Not everyone who sits down next to you has a malicious intent.
2. BE INDEPENDENT.
STOP asking your friends to go to the bathroom with you. STOP avoiding going to events that you may have to go to alone. The truth is, you are much more approachable when you are alone. Do you know how intimidating it is for someone who is alone to approach you and five of your friends--ESPECIALLY when you're abroad. I went to a wedding by myself this past weekend and before I got there, I honestly was panicking. I haven't been to a wedding since I was a child. How do you act? What do you wear? Don't you have to have a date...? The truth is, all of that is trivial. Like my (practically) second family assured me long before hand--I was fine.
3. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP WORRYING ABOUT HOW SINGLE YOU ARE.
Honestly. I have six weddings to go to in the next year or so. Don't get me wrong, I am over the moon for each and every couple getting married. But I am also in no rush to find my "soulmate" or the poor soul who is going to be stuck with me for the rest of their life. I'm young, but I also have come to recognize how selfish you have to be before you can dedicate that sort of time to someone else. In other words, I want to travel! I want to do other relevant things for myself before I can make someone else happy. Once again, don't get me wrong, if there's someone along the way who is willing to accompany me, then great. If not...well, I have a pretty big bucket list to accomplish before I'm "settled". If we're being honest, the word "settle" in any way, shape, or form makes me cringe.
4. Get the hell out of your comfort zone.
Life is not meant to be easy. Or comfortable. It is meant to be a little embarrassing, certainty is not meant to exist, and honestly...yes is always the answer. Try new foods, learn a new language, ask questions, and stumble your way through. Also, don't wait on that cute boy to buy you a drink or to ask you your name. Buy him a drink, introduce yourself, and see what happens. Worse comes to worse, you make a new friend who doesn't turn out to be your soulmate.
5. FIND SOMEONE WHO JUST GETS IT.
I think this has been something huge for me this year too. Not everyone will understand your feelings and sometimes, your passions just don't translate into the same passions as the ones that whoever you're talking to may possess. I could go on for days about foreign policy, anything concerning national/international security, the military, privatizing the military, loopholes in the political process, etc. And most of my friends hate it. But I have the handful of friends that JUST GET ME. I mean really get me. They know what makes me tick and they may think I'm crazy, but at the end of the day, it is so healthy to find people who you can connect with on that level because eventually, it's those people who believe in you the most; when you need reassurance, you aren't going to be fed a bunch of "you will be fine, blah blah" BS. They're going to feed you the truth, gracefully or not, but at least they know what they're talking about.
I was having a conversation the other day with one of my best friends. It's not someone that anyone ever would pin as my best friend, my better half, or no one really ever understands how we get along in the first place. Nonetheless, when I'm upset, anxious, uncertain about school, my future, he knows just what to say. And I love that. Although this was probably never something to be shared, I feel like it's something I have to share because really, it just reassured me that I have surrounded myself with people who appreciate me and that, in itself, is healthy.
"I have spent my life wandering down a path of uncertainty. Something that one of my very dearest friends, Rachele, can fully comprehend. We both have had our futures in sight and just out of reach, not knowing where our respective paths would lead us in the end. She listens as much as she speaks, and loves as much as anyone I have ever met--while at the same time she knows how to be...blunt. She offers advice and counsel to all who need it and even some who don't, but nothing she does is out of discontent."
One of my best friends wrote that recently about me after I babbled on about all of my woes for a day. As I prepare for graduation and suddenly uprooting myself from a place where I am surrounded by 30,000 of my closest friends, I catch myself counting my blessings little by little. So, take advantage, be independent, get the hell out of your comfort zone, find someone who gets it, and for the love of God, stop worrying about how single you are.
Doubt is an uncomfortable position, but certainty is a ridiculous one.
-Voltaire
